Gail Feldman,PhD Professional Coach
- Why do our New Year’s resolutions often lack RESOLVE ? Why do we drop them after a few short weeks? While they seem like good ideas, (we do want to lose those extra pounds; we would like to save toward that vacation), our motivation may be based on our weakest rather than our highest values. Ex. Wanting to lose weight to look good at the next high school reunion won’t be as powerful as using the HS reunion as a springboard to support the high value you place on increased health and longevity to be lively for your children and grandchildren.
- Values are the power behind the success of our Declared Intentions. If you value integrity, commitment, loyalty, it’s more likely you’ll follow through on your resolutions. It is values that keep us accountable and responsible. Values are the power behind our word.
Consider this : If you tell your child you’re picking him up from school at a
certain time, when the time comes to leave for school, you would never say to
yourself: “I don’t really feel like doing this today. He won’t mind if I say I
forgot just this once.”
- You would never let your infantile, selfish voice sabotage your commitment to being a loving parent! BUT WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES ALL THE TIME.!
We are not ACCOUNTABLE to ourselves; we are not RESPONSIBLE to ourselves; we do not RESPECT ourselves. Bottom line- we do not LOVE ourselves enough to do what’s possible. We rationalize, we deny the importance of our wishes and our dreams. “It’s not a big deal,” we say. I say,
IT IS A BIG DEAL! Let’s not derail our dreams this year!
- I’m giving a talk this fall in Vienna on Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist whose entire family –parents, wife, brother all died in the death camps. He survived 3 years of hard labor and emerged skeletal with a few others who survived Dachau, the camp where 30,000 died. In his book, Man’s Search For Meaning, he is adamant about his belief that what keeps us going through the biggest challenges and the deepest suffering are our strongest values. He believed these values to be:
1. LOVE 2. Passion for CONTRIBUTION Through WORK )
3. DETERMINATION to OVERCOME SUFFERING
Support your aspirations and dreams this year. Create your resolutions with Focused Intention and Strong Self-Regard:
- List your 3 highest Values– ex. Love; Compassion; Courage
- List 2 ways to express each one for yourself !
- Declare your Intention to practice these 2 things (now 6 things)
Every day for three months! Your word is all-powerful!
- Use an Accountability Buddy: someone who knows your plan
to hold you accountable for follow-through
- Make a list of rewards and give yourself one at end of each week
(Food must not be on the list! Be creative!)
If (when) you fall off your plan, do the following:
- Forgive yourself
- Open your heart to success and get back on your plan
- Be grateful for your past successes and the ones that are now to come!
Self love is what we all need more of – Give yourself more love this year!